Wednesday, March 5, 2014

March 5, 2014

9 months ago, I thought this day would have played out much different.... but things don't always happen how you think they should.  .....  We woke up, (by that I mean I wake Z up) ate, hoped in the van, and off to the gym.  I worked out w/ my trainer, who I have missed!!  then did soem shopping.  We got home after a long day of shopping, put the food away, and snuggled.  Then Z fell asleep in my lap, so I took him upstairs.  Then I wrote a letter.  A letter to a baby I never was able to meet.  Through tears, (less than I imagined)  I ended it with this "today, we should be holding you, but instead I hold this balloon."  

So I went outside alone and let go of the balloon.  My heart heavy, but also feeling lighter. 


I thought I would be introducing Z to his new sibling, making a new breastfeeding relationship, changing diapers, prepping for lots of sleepless nights and days.  Learning how to be a mom of 2....  but things don't always happen how you think they should. 

Hope.

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