February...

    I can't believe this month is already here.  This time last year I was suffering with some high blood pressure and just getting put on bed rest.  So my days were spend in bed, watching netflix and playing some mario cart.  Letting my mom and husband take care of me.  What a different a year makes.. I couldn't stay in bed if I wanted!  Now the TV is barely on during the day, and my day are spend playing with a fun little guy.  I'm not going to lie, these next few post might get pretty mushy... b/c I am loosing my little baby and gaining a toddler.  The last few nights as I'm nursing and rocking my little guy to sleep I've been enjoying them and thinking about how much I enjoy this quite time I am blessed to have.  I know these days won't last.  I'm working hard to cherish out cuddles in the morning, b/c I think soon he will be sleeping and not need to come down to our room around 4/5. 
    I look at him now, sitting up in his high chair eating oatmeal and smiling and I can't get over how big he looks.  My little big boy!  Every day he gets more confident with walking and says more words/sounds.  He is learning so much!
  I think maybe the best way to express how I feel is a letter to my big boy:
Dear Z,
     As I hold you tonight, I am fully aware of how much you are growing up.  I know one day you will want to do things on your own.  You will ask to go outside a play with your friends.  When you hurt yourself, you will want me to hug you and make it all better.  You will pack your bag and go on sleepovers.  You and I will fight, I am sure.  Some day I am sure you will want me to drop you off block from school or the mall, and you will think you are too old for my kisses (let me tell you now, you will never be too old for my kisses).  One day you will do thinks you know you shouldn't, and I hope you know I will forever love you.  Then you will meet a pretty girl who you fall in love with and she will become your all.  I hope you will still remember your sweet mama and know you will never leave my heart.  I hope I will forever remember how it feels to nurse and rock you to sleep.  And how it feels for you to cry and put your arms up to me to pull you in and hug you.  I hope you give me millions of slobbery kisses because they are so special to me.  I hope I can remember how you smell and how fun playing cars can be.  Let me always remember how much your sweet face lights up when I come back from school or being away.  Always let me hear your sweet giggle, and see that smile that has forever been burned into my mind.  Please don't grow up too quickly.  Please let me enjoy your childhood as much as I have your babyhood.  So please let me love on you and rock you to sleep for a little while longer.  Let me nurse you when you get hurt or need to slow down for a while longer.  And always know you are safe in my arms, so rest your sweet head for a little while longer.  I love you my sweet baby boy, and this time is going way to fast for me!  I thank God everyday that he blessed our life with you!  I want to end this with a quote from our favorite book: "You are my angel, my darling, my star...and my love will find you, wherever you are."