March 5, 2014

9 months ago, I thought this day would have played out much different.... but things don't always happen how you think they should.  .....  We woke up, (by that I mean I wake Z up) ate, hoped in the van, and off to the gym.  I worked out w/ my trainer, who I have missed!!  then did soem shopping.  We got home after a long day of shopping, put the food away, and snuggled.  Then Z fell asleep in my lap, so I took him upstairs.  Then I wrote a letter.  A letter to a baby I never was able to meet.  Through tears, (less than I imagined)  I ended it with this "today, we should be holding you, but instead I hold this balloon."  

So I went outside alone and let go of the balloon.  My heart heavy, but also feeling lighter. 


I thought I would be introducing Z to his new sibling, making a new breastfeeding relationship, changing diapers, prepping for lots of sleepless nights and days.  Learning how to be a mom of 2....  but things don't always happen how you think they should. 

Hope.

Catch the moment

Another crazy week... Being stuck inside is not as fun as it sounds....  Toddlers don't like being cooped up..  My patience were wearing very thin by the end of the week.. I had been touched out.. I tried to get away and take a bath.. note the picture of said toddler in said "peaceful" bath.  He found me..  I became a ladder alot..  Also because of the cold and snow and not going anywhere, our car wouldn't start.  Thanks to K for charging it for us!  There was some time he wanted time away from me to (reading in his corner)...   Also after such a long time of him not growing at all-he finally grew!  Right out of my favorite pjs of his!  

We are super blessed b/c my parents took z for the weekend.... Today I feel like such a more refreshed and more patience mommy again! 

CTM Week 5

Hope you enjoy the CTM.  This was a fun week full of no naps!

Taking video, passing out on mommy b/c we didn't nap. Being a cool dude riding in the car, Making momma some breakfast on his own ;)  Celebrating miss D birthday with her, playing in the snow and being his own stylist... w/ his cowboy hat on his winter hat... ;)

#CTM Week 4

1. Snuggles in bed w/ everyone!

2. Flour fight aftermath!!

3.Blues jersey with Blue the bear!

4. Snow day w/ S and Chase

5. Sleepy bear!

6. Play room mess..

7.  Playing games like daddy!!

Good time!  :)

what a week!

Ok, its cold!!  like super cold... Like stay in the house and go crazy cold!  lol.. So in that.. this week, z has fallen down the stairs, I broke a wine glass.  Chase has gotten into lots of trouble-going potty inside b/c its too cold outside, ate his collar... no idea why...  Crazy dog.  But even with all the crazy and scary things, there really is so much joy in our house.  Z is so spicy, but such a happy boy.  We have too much fun.  really.  

Between playing in playdoh, painting, coloring, playing in our "tents" having juice in bed.  Hearing his stories, and the funny things he says.  Playing hide and seek.. and even him playing ghost with daddy on the ps4 (this kid is lucky!!)  Grandpa bringing us dinner and playing, skyping with nana.  he even "painted" our nails... We enjoy that happy that brings...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even Chase has his moments of bliss.. He is such a cuddlier...

 

So even with all the crazy bad things that happen.. I have found my happy self again.  Oh, I have missed me...  I was so optimistic before all the sickenss and miscarriages hit..  and for the first time in a long time, I'm not just not sad, I'm actually happy.  I hope everyone else can find some joy even in hard weeks :)

CTM week 3

Day 12

Nana and Chase taking a nap! 

Day 13

Working on letter of the week!  letter M

Day 14

Wasting time... saw this is a movie.. looks epic.. "sharknado"  -enough said....

haha

Day 15

Playing at the mall with A :)

Day 16

Mommy & Z fell asleep while watching Z's favorite show Team umizoomi

 

Day 17

A day without the young one... Mommy and daddy do what any parents without kids would... Play PS4 then sleep!!

Day 18

Yep.. that alot of fire arms getting ready to be shot...

#Catchthemoment365 Week 2

This has been fun already!  I see moments and think how much I want it to be the moment!!

Day 5

A snow day...  Relaxing with some coffee and my book!

Day 6

A long snow day.. sleeping in his high chair.. still the cutest thing ever!!

Day 7

Cleaning up after using the bean bin.. (daddys "favorite" thing for him to get out...)

 Day 8

Being silly after bath time

Day 9

come on.. what's sexier than your man playing guitar-this is part of why I fell for him ;) 

Day 10

Shopping day.. Done!  Want to put them away for me???  please??

 Day 11

Hanging out w/ Papa & Nana!!

So this has been our week!! 

Balance

This is my word of the year!  I'm trying to find my balance.  It just happens to be my favorite oil too ;)  But really.. Balance as a mom is so hard to find I think.  We wear so many different hats!  This year... I will find my right balance.  Between family, Zach, teaching him, working out, planning our family, cleaning the house, my faith, being a good wife, daughter and friend.  My jobs, church, etc.  You get the picture.
So far, I think I'm doing well.  I'm learning to say no to people.  I have to take care of myself so I can take care of my family and friends.  I want to take more trips this year.  I have dear friends all over!  I want to see them, as much as possible!  I forsee alot of trips to KY, TN, MI, & hopefully even ID!  I want to keep my house clean (which is EXHAUSTING!)  I need to lose more weight to get back to where I need to be.  These aren't resolutions , these are things I need to do to find my balance.  When I'm balanced and grounded I feel good.  I am good.  So I'm working hard on getting that balance back.
When Z was so sick for so long, my balance/routine/ life went crazy.  I became absorbed in taking care of him.  Every week he was sick, it took a lot out of me.  Then all my emotional stuff happened right as he was getting better (thanks to my Doterra oils).  So then I was out of balance from all of that.  But now, I am in control.  He is better, I am prepared and have tools for when he gets sick again.  Emotionally I still need work-don't we all??  But I'm working through it, I see the light.  There are so many more good days now.  I am ready.  I am ready for 2014.  This year will be amazing!!  I have alot of hopes and goals for this year.  Bigger than before.  More important than before.  :)  I'm excited!

As you finish reading this... Think of a word you want for this year....
Cheers to 2014!

And as you noticed.. when I'm more balanced.. I blog more ;)  I think I am back to being able to blog more often again and I am excited about that.  I love my blog.. I love those that read it!  Leave a commit with your word.. I would love to know it and to know you are still enjoying reading my blog

Coffee will help me get balance in the mornings :)

Snow day fun!!!!

 So... we've been snow in!  We had a few days of being snowed in!  I enjoyed every min of it!!  I know based on facebook post, not everyone did, but having 2 days of no where to be.. just with Z and T (and our neighbors-since when you are snowed in.. you have to be friends with those around you ;) ) Anyway its been great having daddy here an extra day and a free day Sunday.  We've done a lot, but nothing at the same time! 

So we have been taken advantage of this snowy, SUPER cold weather!  We have made snow ice cream:

Turned boiling water into snow.. You'll have to check out my facebook for that video!  But it was cool!  T & I went driving in his truck before the COLD weather came... we came home when we almost got stuck in a drift that was to our side windows.  

We did frozen bubbles! 

Spend alot of time w/ our neighbors.. glad we like them!  Made alot of meals together!

Snuggled and played ALOT 

It really has been so much fun!!  I'm sad that daddy has to go back to work tomorrow and we go back to real life.. (although, I doubt we go anywhere tomorrow.. still too cold for us.  )  Back to real life I guess!!  

It has also been nice having help cleaning up after the toddler tornado!  I hope everyone stays warm and safe!!  This winter has been something so far!  

#catchthemoment365

A friend of mine posted about how she was doing this challenge Here, and it looked fun!  Since my goal is to turn my blog into yearly memory books (I really need to get on printing the first 2 years...)  I thought this would be perfect!!  So here is the deal:  My goal will be to capture a moment from our day, every day!  I'll post them on here (and a few on facebook and intragram) weekly or so, you know so it doesn't get too crazy with pictures!  It will be nice to have a picture from every day in order from 2014!  I'll take most pictures with my phone, since its always around when moments happen!  Feel free to join in!! 

Here are the first 5 days (One from New Years eve)

Day 0 

Dinner with my love!  New Years Eve, before he had to take me home because I got 

sick

 Day 1

New Years Day: Playing with cousins!  

Day 2

So much SNOW!!

Day 3

Relaxing with the pup!

Day 4

Just a glimpse of normal life here.. Dog sleeping, legos, and watching cartoons

I hope you all enjoy the pictures!!  

Happy 2014!!

What a year!!  So far this year has been great!!  All 2 days of it! :)  We went to my great aunts house yesterday..  Z is lucky and has 4 cousins around his age.. so they all played, then the "big" kids (us) got to play with each other!  I'm sad we don't live closer, but I want to try to get them together a few times a month.... so hopefully we can fit that in! 

I spend New years eve sick.  Luckily my parents had Z so I was able to just be sick.. and not take care of a toddler. 

Today we've played in the snow! shoveled our sidewalk-and our neighbors!  Then inside for some blanket and hot cocoa!

Right now.. instead of folding the pile of laundry that is just waiting for me.. I thought I'd give a quick update!  Since I've been awful at blogging... 

Z is growing!  Now that he is FINALLY staying healthy he is starting to really grow!  Finally putting on some weight and getting so tall!!  I'm so happy!  He has stayed at the same weight for MONTHS!  Pretty much since last Dec when he first started getting sick.  He is doing great!  A normal almost 3 year old!  (AHH he is almost 3!!!)  Crazy, fun, shy, outgoing, wild, calm, everything!  He is funny... so funny and so sweet.  We have fun!  He is also spicy...  He is potty trained!  after my miscarriage he kinda completely regressed (I think he sensed my emotions...)    But we are back on track!  We are starting school back up too! 

I am doing ok.  grieving really is a process!  One day I'm total fine, happy, etc.. the next something will hit me..  a reminder (an e-mail telling me I'd be 15 weeks yesterday and all the things my baby would have been doing) a christmas card announcement of someone elses exciting news (I planned on doing this...  cards were hard to make this year)... also I havn't mailed them yet... so sorry about that.. But we are getting there.  I have no idea when we will try again.  I am kinda scared at the thought of haing 3 miscarriages and being labeled as a "habitual aborter"  Which for the record... that a horrible name for having 3 miscarriages...  But we will see what God has planned!

Thats alittle bit about us!!  Hope everyone had a good news years...